


Ghostin

by zinny



Series: Heart of Iron [17]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Grief/Mourning, Minor Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers, Multi, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Realization, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-26
Updated: 2019-05-26
Packaged: 2020-03-17 13:30:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18966208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zinny/pseuds/zinny
Summary: Steve wonders if he’ll ever get over Tony Stark. If there will ever be a day when his heart doesn’t constrict at the mention of him.





	Ghostin

**Author's Note:**

> endgame spoilers. this is based on ariana’s [ghostin](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z1pmpDRrQhU).

There is something to be said about grief, the way it makes you feel and the way it makes you act. One would say that Steve Rogers is a very lucky man. After all, he got a second chance to reunite with his 1940′s sweetheart; to live a full life of happiness and domesticity. Something he ached for, something he deserved. 

However, something awful sets in Steve’s heart one night. He and Peggy sit in front of the living room television, an old fashioned in his hand and chardonnay in hers. They laugh, they smile, and they kiss. He’s happy, very stupidly happy. Yet, when the news anchor details Tony Stark’s very obvious grief-induced drunk mishaps, Steve can’t help but clench his fist hard enough that liquor and glass rain down all over his shirt and his lap.

That night, Steve dreams of whiskey eyes and long eyelashes. From then on, he thinks about Tony more often. The way his lips would tilt upwards in that smug little smirk he found utterly annoying and unfairly attractive. Or the way he’d soar in the sky, red and gold shimmering through the New York horizon like a comet or a shooting star. Truth is, Steve would always orbit around him like a sunflower to the sun; whether it’d be in combat or social circumstances. There was no Steve Rogers without Tony Stark and he understands that now.

He feels conflicted. He loves Peggy, he always will. But now he realizes that he also loves Tony. No past tense, Tony will forever live on in his heart, no matter the timeline or the circumstances.

Some nights are good, Tony visits him in his dreams and they reunite; it’s like nothing has changed but everything is different, or better in this case. They drink budget boxed wine Steve got from the gas station, they dance to something playing from vinyl, and they’d share delicate kisses under the moonlight. Some nights, however, are awful. He dreams of Tony’s death, the way he’d collapse after using the gauntlet. Steve’s memory centered on the way the light dimmed in Tony’s eyes and he’d relive through the ringing in his ears and the drumming of his heartbeat at that precise moment. Those nights he wakes up in a cold sweat with a scream on the tip of his tongue, but Peggy would tighten her grip around his shivering body and he’d feel his body slacken in her arms. Though the ache doesn’t disappear, he feels his heart soothe when she’s around.

Months later, the two find themselves sitting outside in their backyard at night. The stars twinkle over the horizon and the crickets chirping is the only sound before Peggy turns to him with a burning question.

“Tell me about them,” She says suddenly, a gentle but inviting expression on her face.

Steve turns to face her, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “What?”

“The person you left behind.” She answers matter-of-factly, “Tell me about them.” 

“There isn’t-” He tries but pauses with a grimace at her incredulous expression and raised eyebrow. Steve exhales intensely, turning away from her and letting his shoulders drop. “He was someone special.” A pause before he continues. “Someone that I didn’t know was special until it was too late.” He whispers the last part though he’s sure she heard him.

There’s a brief silence before she replies, “Do you regret it?” Steve turns to her as she continues. “Do you regret not telling him how you feel?” 

“Yes,”

Peggy takes his hand, her calloused thumb rubbing his knuckles in a soft caress. “Oh, Steve,” She murmurs with a bit of exasperation but a whole lot of sorrow.

Steve feels a tear run down his cheek. “I’m sorry,” He whispers, not shying away from letting his sorrow show in front of her. He hasn’t properly grieved and it’s all coming down like a heavy rain of emotions. Peggy doesn’t say anything, only squeezing his hand a little firmer as he mourns for a lost love.

Steve wonders if he’ll ever get over Tony Stark. If there will ever be a day when his heart doesn’t constrict at the mention of him. Steve knows it selfish, he has everything he needs right here but God, if he could, he’d go back to the beginning and make everything right. He’d be honest about everything, including his feelings towards Tony.

With a heart-wrenching sob, Steve leans back in his chair and moves his gaze upwards, never letting go of Peggy’s hand. A shooting star intersects the horizon and he wonders if Tony can see it from wherever he is.

**Author's Note:**

> idk, i was bored and sad.


End file.
